I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
