is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
