he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
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