woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
third nipple confirmed
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
