It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
