i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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