Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
they call him Oral-B. enough said
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
