so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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