Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
