i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
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