He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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