i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
