ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Randomize
