Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
