Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Randomize
