Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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