I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Do you remember whose house we're in?
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
