Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
