I'm pants shitting drunk right now
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize