if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
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