He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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