tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize