Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
