If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
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