I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Randomize
