I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Randomize
