you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
We need to rekindle our bromance
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
