remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
my poor anus
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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