My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
