i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
