Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
