Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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