I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
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