It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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