He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
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