the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
