I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
the raccoons are back...
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