im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
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