FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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