While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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