what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
