I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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