Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
