You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
