# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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