I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
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