Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
What drink are we having for lunch?
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
