she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize