I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
