Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Randomize
