I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
