clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
