physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Terrible idea I love it
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
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