DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
