This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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