Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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