Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
