I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
