I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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