Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
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