well you can't waste a boner
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
