I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
