Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Randomize
