Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
