Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Someone came in the potted fern
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
