I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
