you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
