I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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