Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
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