put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Randomize
