16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
After tacos, we're chasing women.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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