I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
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