I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
