Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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