The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Randomize
