It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
