Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
