There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
me + whiskey = a bad person
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Randomize