just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
