I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
